The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
