this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
