Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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