I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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