So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
