If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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