Don't you send me to vm
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
