i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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