i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
