So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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