Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
