Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
