The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Randomize
