i just wanna soil my oats bro
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
