i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
