no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
