you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize