I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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