What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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