I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
