She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Sorry about my life...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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