i was rollin on her like bob the builder
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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