Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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