Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
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I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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