Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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