you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
