The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
