do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
