She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
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