Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
