Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
