Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
