Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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