the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
