I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
