You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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