Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
