Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
