I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
