i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
