Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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