last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
