am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
