I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
