Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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