i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
