he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He kissed a someone with a penis
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
