I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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