well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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