The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
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I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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