Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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