How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
