i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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