I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
