In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
