They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i would punch a child for taco bell
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
