Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
