She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
