Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
