i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
