i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
