I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
BRING THE BAGELS
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
