never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
