Did you just see the Batmobile???
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
