he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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