He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
