I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He passed out mid-signature
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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