is your mom at the bar?
My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
