i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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