for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
