Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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