Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
