I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
