Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
