me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
