i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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