Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
