Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
