Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
